did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
