Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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