Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
