Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
