I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
