I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
