he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize