dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
