I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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