You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
