Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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