I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
