Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize