My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
