I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
