Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
