Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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