I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
