if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
