im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
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I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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