So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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