i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
