Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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