this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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