Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
