Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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