You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
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I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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