Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
