he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
