I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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