Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
