At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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