We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
