bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it's like iHOP with fire
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
