Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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