Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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