I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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