And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
