I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
