i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
