Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
