omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
