Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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