you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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