I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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