thus making me awesome and them whores
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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