After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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