I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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