gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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