So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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