oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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