you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
