Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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