Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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