Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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