She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
