Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
