theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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