shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
