went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
