just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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