I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
