Small penises have feelings too.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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