Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
