im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
