My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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