I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
