Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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