Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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